our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
