oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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