I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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