Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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