i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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