Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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