K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The uberlube is also flammable
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
