i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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