Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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