I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
