I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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