she woke up with a sticky ear
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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