He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
