It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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