another moral hangover. fuck.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
