i already hear my dad disowning me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
