I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
