The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Come see our sink grown plant.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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