Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
