love makes seman taste better
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
