our cab driver is having phone sex.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
