Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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