Plan B is the new Plan A
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
