apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
