i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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