Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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