dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize