I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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