Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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