so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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