normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
