Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
