i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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