There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
