I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
