whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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