I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
