Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
