I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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