I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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