I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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