Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
