I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
