u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
