Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
this will be a night to untag.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
