Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
