trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
