mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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