I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
