We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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