you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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