I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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