You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish I only lived at night.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
