If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
