i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
this just has baby written all over it
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Can I color on your dick again?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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