I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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