I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
