Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
