yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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