The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
