If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize