I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
