i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
