I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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