I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
