I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
