If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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