im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize