Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You know, be my cock's hype man.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
