Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
