would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
