We're like a lot better than the average bears
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
