I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
