You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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