Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
