also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
