So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
