So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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