Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
