you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
