no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
