I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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