He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
