As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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