Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
