This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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