where am i from again
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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