I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No I am not eating basil off your cock
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
