were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
