It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
