don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
