airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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