Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
