I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
