True but thats because hes a fetus.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize