Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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