His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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