it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
